Self-Love is the Beginning, not the End.
Love is about inclusion, not exclusion. Love is about drawing closer, not pushing away.
That being said, I have a question for you.
How much compassion do you have for yourself?
And I mean with everything that comes up within you and with all the parts of yourself.
When I was younger I would associate Self-Love with being bold, authentic, always happy, confident, not caring what others think, having the dream-job and just doing whatever I liked. But throughout my journey I realized that all those things are just the by-product of really loving yourself. And to be honest, I wasn’t even close to living that kind of life, even though I tried to and I wanted to. I had a lot of anxiety, I was afraid to communicate my boundaries, I wanted to have the perfect body because I felt that I “deserved” that. And throughout this entire time trying to chase my dreams thinking that would assumedly be the loving thing to do, I failed to actually really love and care for myself. It was merely a band-aid for something much deeper going on within me.
What do I mean by that?
I was chasing the things (and eventually sabotaging them) that I thought would make me feel happy out of avoidance of accepting and caring for how I actually really felt! I was looking for happiness, feeling enough and loved from outside of me.
I was doing everything to run away from feeling the way I truly feel and from the parts within myself that I felt ashamed of or hated. I was running from feeling my fears, sadness, insecurities, grief, shame,… I did the very thing my parents did with me when I was a child. I was emotionally avoidant when it came to my own feelings and emotions. I felt like I lost myself. I felt disconnected from myself. And when I started my healing journey I did it, because I wanted to feel better. I did it to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions and pain, to get rid of them long term … just to learn that healing actually doesn’t work that way.
Only when I started to accept myself and all the abandoned parts within myself all the shame, pain, fears, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. started to slowly fade more and more (and it keeps on going, it’s a work in progress). Without force, but just through awareness, pure love and acceptance.
It is said that one aspect of healing is being seen by an empathetic witness.
And I learned that self-love and self-compassion is the most gentle but powerful process there is for healing. And I am learning now, that I don’t have to force myself to change my outer reality - I don’t need to chase anything anymore. The more I align with loving myself, the more I continue to practice making choices from a place of self-compassion and self-respect, the more I tune into my feelings, my emotions, my pain and find compassion for them instead of running away from them, the more my life becomes the life I wish I had when I tried to do chase all the things that I assumed would make me feel whole.
It’s true when they say that it all starts from within. And when you change your inner terrain, the external terrain will change as a result of it.
You can’t shame yourself into change. You can only love yourself into evolution.
If you want to learn how to truly deeply love yourself, heal your wounds and live a more fulfilling life, and if you feel called to work with me you can check out my 1-1 coaching sessions and programs here.
I also offer a soothing Self-Love meditation for free in my Complimentary Toolbox.
Much love and support,
Sarah