What is Nervous System Regulation?

Our nervous system (NS) is our bodies command center, sending signals from the body to the brain and from the brain to the body. It commands our arm to move, when we want to pick up a book from the shelf, it lets us know when we’re hungry and what our body needs for fuel, it gives us cues about our safety and what we need to do when we’re in danger (fight, flight or freeze).

Now, the latter example is where our nervous system might become dysregulated (“out of balance”) due to high levels of stress or trauma. A prolonged period of time under stress can leave our nervous system in an activated mode and we might become impatient, agitated or angry quicker than when we’re relaxed. Trauma can leave our nervous system in activation, giving us the message that we’re still not safe yet. An example can be PTSD from war: a veteran hears fireworks and his nervous system sends him right back into the experience of him seeing his comerades being hit by a war bomb. It’s “just” fireworks, he is safe now, but something in him still believes he is on the battlefield and tries to keep him safe.

Reactions like this do not make sense to our rational brain, however they do make sense when we look at our nervous system and how it works. The main job of our nervous system is to keep us safe. So in order to do that, it scans our surroundings for cues of danger. What it perceives as danger however is highly influenced by our past, how we grew up, how we were conditioned and what trauma (=nervous system dysregulation) we endured.

Signs that our nervous system might be dysregulated are:

heart rate too high or too low or irregular, dilated pupils, tension in jaw, neck, muscles, holding/shallow breath, sleep problems or constantly tired/sleeping, „tired but wired“, on edge, over-thinking, anxiety, fearful, panic attacks, sadness, depression, hopelessness, fight/flight mode, impulsive, impatient, compromised immune system/digestion, relationship problems/less behavioural flexibility, lashing out in anger, lack of motivation, feeling insecure, “overreacting” (which doesn’t really exist but it seems like we’re reacting with an inadequate intensity towards something that isn’t as big as we think it is), hard time relaxing or calming down OR complete lack of drive or life force (shut down), …

As you can see, living with a often dysregulated nervous system can be difficult and impact our wellbeing on so many levels – from relationships, to our physical health and our self-worth. Nervous system regulation is also very important for trauma healing – to actually feel safe enough to process trauma without becoming re-traumatized in the process.

Nervous system regulation is NOT meant to get rid of feeling states or emotions! Instead it is here as a tool, so we can create space for our feeling states/emotions without getting overwhelmed by them.

Nervous system regulation helps us to move out of an activated state back into homeostasis – into feeling safe. Now, stress isn’t bad and resiliency doesn’t mean our nervous system never gets activated. We do need a healthy nervous system activation, when we are in danger. For example when we are driving a car and the car in front of us suddenly makes a full stop, we want to be able to rely on the quick autonomous reaction of our nervous system that makes us hit the breaks without thinking to avoid an accident. This can save our lives.

But we don’t want our angry reactions destroy our relationship. Or we don’t want our anxiety to keep us from doing what we really desire. We don’t want our helplessness to stop us from setting boundaries or reaching out to people for support. … just to name a few axamples.

A healthy nervous system isn‘t always calm, it‘s flexible.

And trauma interrupts the ability to regulate and to move easily between the different states of the nervous system. It’s okay to be angry, to have anxiety or feel depressed and we can learn to be with those experiences without them being overwhelming or all-consuming. This is where nervous system regulation can help tremendously on our healing journey. And it helps you feel more safe and secure.

Signs of a regulated nervous system are:

Slow and regular heartbeat, constricted pupils, relaxed muscles, rest and digest mode, regular and deep (belly) breath, calm, at peace, excited, courageous, playful, joyful, ability to respond rather than to react, resiliency, ability to pay attention, …

Being in a regulated state more often than in a dysregulated state can increase your quality of life (physically, mentally and emotionally more balanced), stronger immune system, making better decisions, more courage to go after what you want, even though it might feel scary, increased self-trust and increased resiliency.

Nervous system regulation helps us feel „safe enough“ to do the deeper healing work, if needed.

If you want to learn more about how to regulate your nervous system, I am hosting a FREE webinar on February 11th, 4pm CET, where I teach you the basics of our nervous system, its different states and give you some very helpful tools to regulate your nervous system properly.

And don’t worry, I won’t tell you to calm down! ;)